I’m a Tourist And Everything Revolves Around Me

I am a tourist and everything revolves around me. If I don’t sloppily park in your downtown to buy kitchy knick-knacks at the local business that’s more of a hobby than a real business and that barely pays their employees, your economy will COLLAPSE. Non-retail businesses and schools? People working remotely? They don’t exist! The narrow, tourist-oriented strip I visit is all that there is. Homes? Those are clearly decorations put there for my entertainment. And if there’s snow in the yard, that means I can play in it. No one actually lives here. This whole place is a budget resort set up just for me.

Wait, you’re telling me that I’m endangering the locals and myself by visiting right now because of fire/water shortage/supply shock/pandemic? I guess I’ll take my money elsewhere! And you will definitely change your mind when I say that because the worst thing that can possibly happen to you is losing out on my miserly spending while I cash in this hotel voucher I won in the raffle at the company potluck. Local businesses have never had to factor in lulls in their plans – they must get traffic rain, shine or natural disaster! Having to boil your water is just the price to pay to keep vital traffic to your stores that sell sea life carcasses with googly eyes glued to them and “Kiss Me, I’m Swedish” t-shirts. Sure you’re scared and angry, but haven’t you considered that I already made PLANS? Bow down to me, for I demand to speak to the manager of this island/mountain/desert.